Dear
William,
I know you are not the type of
person who will sit down and watch the entire State of Union address. However,
I also know that you search and read about topics discussed in the State of the
Union the day after. I want to let you know that President Obama signed an
executive order on Tuesday, February 12, 2013 setting standards for national
cybersecurity. The executive order aims to place protocols in order to protect
the United Stated government and companies from cyber threats. Two bills have
been written in the legislature in the past two years pertaining to similar
concerns of cybersecurity were not signed into law. Neither bill made it into
the Senate Chamber. It puzzles me that President Obama signs this executive
order even though bills in the past has failed to become law. Anyways, you have
a better grasp on the functions of the internet and threats that may concern
the U.S. Cybersecurity seems to be a controversial topic in the government. Do
you think it’s necessary?
With the signing of this executive
order, there is a much higher chance that federal cybersecurity will be enacted
enabling various monitoring activities the internet. The media and the White
House claim that this order was signed with the intention to protect the U.S.
government and companies from cyber attacks and threats. It would be reasonable
that the standards of cybersecurity would apply to institutions rather than the
public. However, President Obama claims that private information from emails
and identities have been stolen on the internet. Is he implying that the
threats on the web can also lie in the common people’s use of the internet? I
would assume that cybersecurity enforcements will affect the general public’s
use of the internet to a certain degree. What kind of adverse changes do you
think common web users, like you and I, will experience with the passing of
cybersecurity?
Also, many experts have stated that
the provisions stated in President Obama’s cybersecurity order were not as
strong as those in the previous bill. There is much reason to believe why the
nation’s government and industries need cybersecurity. For example, terrorists
could otherwise access America’s secret information and pose various threats.
However, President Obama also stated that companies will not be forced to
participate in cybersecurity protocols. They will simply receive incentives if
they choose to participate. Experts have confirmed that participation in
national cybersecurity will be expensive for companies. I do not understand the
point of enforcing cybersecurity if the chances are that companies will deny
participation to save money. What are your thoughts the basis of voluntary corporate
participation in cybersecurity regulations? You have more knowledge about cyber
regulations and previous bills about cybersecurity so write back to me because
I am all of this information is so confusing.
Your
Little Sister,
Tammy
Le
Jilson Schlachter:
1. What is the original story, audience, and purpose? What is
the new audience and/or purpose?
Old: the general public, informing them about how the new cyber
regulation rules are less powerful than the originally drafted ones.
New: more opinionated in asking about the brother's
opinion.
2. How is the change in audience and/ or purpose reflected in
the rewriting of the piece?
More informational and basic. It helps that it is written with
more common language instead of bogged down with all of the political lingo and
processes as in the original.
3. What is the single best thing the could be added to the
introduction?
I would like more information about your brother… How is
he "very involved" with the internet. Does he search the web daily
for specific things? Many of us search the web daily but what makes him more
concerned than the average web browser person?
4. In what other ways might the piece better target its new
audience and/or purpose?
The content is well thought out and informational, however in
leu of writing to a brother, I would expect a letter to be more conversational.
Maybe some more personal statements to remind the reader that it is a letter.
For example "I know that you like…. and this article says that…" This
way it isn't distracting from the main subject but it sounds more personal like
a letter would. You do a good job of this at the beginning and end of the essay
so just expand that through to the rest of it.
5. any additional comments?
The first and second sentences of the letter are awkward… The
rest of the paragraph has good flow so try and emulate that in your
introduction of the letter.
1.original
story:President Obama Cybersecurity Order Weaker than Previous proposals
Audience:People
check out news online and maybe people interested in Obama’s
ideas
and thinkings.
New
audience & purpose:Author’s brother who is very involved with the internet
informing
him of the cybersecurity.
2.The
audience changed from normal people watch news online to author’s
brother,and
the tones changed, also the focus of the news are not quite the same.
3.Hum...
Maybe a quick summary of the original news, like which aspects of
Obama’s
Cybersecurity order weaker than Previous proposals embodied in(like how
comes).So
that readers could get your rewrite purpose more comprehensive.
4.The
purpose is informing author’s brother of cybersecurity.Analysis like how
Obama’s
Cybersecurity order would influence the whole society may help more of
author’s
purpose.
5.N/A
Reviewer:YiQing
Geng
Author:
Tammy le.
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